Why Do I Feel This Way?
by IcyandMidnight
Summary: Feliciano Vargas is one of the most loved pianists in his area. He should be happy for all he's accomplished, right? He should be happy for all the love and care he receives from everyone, right? Then what is the aching feeling in his heart? Donno if it's considered a song-fic... Suck at summaries sorry. Just one part, so don't expect any continuations! :P Rated T for paranoia XD


**Hello there!**

**I know I am currently working on my other fanfic, Hetaloid Karaoke Night! but I needed to type this fast. I got the idea out of nowhere to be honest. I listened to Lizz's cover of Bad Apple, music box and I was like: I NEED TO WRITE THIS. So here you can have a short-ish fanfic on a depressed or maybe even yandere N. Italy.**

**Here are some guidelines to the way this is written:**

'_**-' **_**Italics means either singing or thinking.**

**- Normal is narrating or speaking.**

**Enjoy?**

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR TOHOU.**

Feliciano Vargas was an amazing pianist, taught by his foster father Roderich. Well, he still is. Being loved by everyone in your family and your friends means you have an amazing life, right? Not to mention your skills. Playing for millions of strangers and being praised should mean you're happy…

Right?

'_Then…why am I always so sad?'_

It had been the night of one of Feliciano's best pieces, with the entire thing ending with one he had composed himself, but never told anyone he had actually written lyrics along with it. Now he was at a party Elizabeta and Roderich had planned for him that night for his success, but he left the main room and headed over to the place he used to watch Rod play.

'_There are so many memories here…"_

Feliciano ran his hand over the piano he had learned to play with years ago and remembered sitting next to Roderich and Otto for a small session. It was really nice back then, but…

'_Why does my heart ache?'_

Feliciano sat down and stared at the keys for a while, before he began playing the song he had ended with, only this time with the lyrics he had written for himself. Playing the first few notes calmed the tension he was feeling a bit, until he got to the part where he actually began to sing.

_Ever on and on, I continue circling with nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony_

_Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing, and suddenly I see that I_

_Can't_

_Break_

_Free_

_I'm-_

_Slipping through the cracks, of a dark eternity with nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony_

_To tell me who I am,_

_Who I was_

_Uncertainty enveloping my mind till I_

_Can't_

_Break_

_Free_

_And-_

While Feliciano was singing and playing, tears began to run down his cheeks and he didn't hear his brother calling his name a little further away.

"Feliciano! You can't just ditch your own party, idiot! Come out! Where are-"

Lovino turned to the piano room and saw the state of his brother and decided to stay near the doorway instead of disturbing him.

'_What the hell is he singing about?'_

In that moment, Antonio came as well and almost gave away Lovino's position.

"Lovi~ what are you doing? The party is the other way!"

"Shut up! Look."

Pointing at Feliciano, Antonio did as Lovino told and stared along with said brother.

Feliciano was completely oblivious.

_Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real_

_But it wouldn't mean a thing, if I told you how I feel_

_So I'm tired of all the pain_

_All the misery inside_

_And I wish that I could live, feeling nothing but the night_

_You can tell me what to say_

_You can tell me where to go_

_But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know_

_If I make another move,_

_There'd be no more turning back,_

_Because everything will change and it all will fade to black…_

"What…isn't this the song Feli ended his concert with?"

"Yeah. I didn't know he wrote lyrics to it. Much less what they were about."

"Do you think he's talking about himself?"

"…I'd rather not think that…"

"Hey! What are you guys doing here, you're not allowed in the piano room!"

"Roderich, _por favor_, keep it down."

"Why? …Who's playing in there?"

"Feliciano."

"Is he…singing too?"

All they could do was nod as Elizabeta appeared behind Roderich and asked the same questions. All four stood outside watching Feliciano as he poured his feelings out to a simple piano.

_Will tomorrow ever come?_

_Will I make it through the night?_

_Will there ever be a place_

_For the broken in the light?_

_Am I hurting?_

_Am I sad?_

_Should I stay?_

_Or should I go?_

_I've forgotten how to tell…_

_Did I ever even know?_

_Can I take another step?_

_I've done everything I can_

_All the people that I see_

_I will never understand_

_If I find a way to change,_

_If I step into the light,_

_Then I'll never be the same_

_And it all will fade to white…_

Feliciano continued playing a small instrumental as more fresh tears formed and ran down his face. The four people outside couldn't help but hurt at the way the usually laughing and cheerful Feliciano was now.

"Lovino, did you know about this?"

"If you don't know, what makes you think I do?"

"I don't know, just…whatever."

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Ja, the party's the other way!"

Gilbert and Ludwig came into the picture and were immediately shushed by the other four, pointing to the room.

"Feliciano is playing his last song, only singing as well, so we'd appreciate it if you'd quiet down!"

Ludwig obeyed but his brother whined for a little until he heard Feliciano's pained voice singing through the hall. His next course though, had more notes and made the song seem more intense than it already was.

_Ever on and on, I continue circling with nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony_

_Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing, and suddenly I see that I_

_Can't_

_Break_

_Free_

_I'm-_

_Slipping through the cracks, of a dark eternity with nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony_

_To tell me who I am,_

_Who I was_

_Uncertainty enveloping my mind till I_

_Can't_

_Break_

_Free_

_And-_

_Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real_

_But it wouldn't mean a thing, if I told you how I feel_

_So I'm tired of all the pain_

_All the misery inside_

_And I wish that I could live, feeling nothing but the night_

_You can tell me what to say_

_You can tell me where to go_

_But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know_

_If I make another move,_

_There'd be no more turning back,_

_Because everything will change and it all will fade to black…_

Ludwig was confused. For two reasons: why Feliciano was singing about something so depressing and deep, and why this seemed familiar. Not the situation, but the room. He had never really ventured down throughout Roderich's house or explored, so he was really worried. A memory came to him about long ago, said person playing with a small girl in a green maid dress watching happily.

'_What…is this?'_

_If I make another move, if I take another step,_

_Then it all would fall apart_

_There'd be nothing of me left_

_If I'm crying in the wind_

_If I'm crying in the night_

_Will there ever be a way?_

_Will my heart return to white?_

Before Feliciano continued, he opened his eyes which were filled with tears as he looked up to the ceiling and continued with the following words not really directed to anyone, but it seemed as if he was expecting an answer…

_Can you tell me who you are?_

_Can you tell me where I am?_

_I've forgotten how to see_

_I've forgotten if I can_

_If I opened up my eyes,_

_There'd be no more going back_

'_Cause I'd throw it all away_

_And it all will fade to black…_

Feliciano closed his eyes on his last sentence as his last note hanged in the air. Elizabeta was on the verge of crying, Roderich had a pained expression, Antonio was hugging Elizabeta, Gilbert was shocked, and Ludwig was trying to understand the situation. Feliciano got up from the seat and smiled through his tears.

"Ve~ I'm glad I got that out of my system. I wonder what the others are-"

His smile quickly faded to an expression mixed with shock and anger. For how long had they been watching? Why didn't he notice them?

"Feli…what…was that about?"

"I…It…W…"

Feliciano looked left and right for an escape and saw a small closet, which he ran into before any of them continued with their questions. He wasn't fast enough for his brother though, because before he even reached it, Lovino had an iron-lock grip on his wrist and turned him around and did something unexpected from them all.

He hugged him.

"_Fratello, perché state nascondendo questo da me?"_

"_S-sono spiacente…sono spiacente…"_

Feliciano began to cry for real and The rest of the group got closer and joined in the hug.

"Feliciano, please, if something is wrong, tell us. Don't bottle it up!"

All he could do was sob and sniffle in both sadness and joy.

Sad because of what he was feeling.

Joy because he finally had gotten someone to hear him, even if it wasn't the way he wanted it to happen.

Hopefully they would never ask why he flinched every time somebody yanked on his wrists.

**Well then. I hope you got feels reading this because THAT WAS MY INTENTION :D Don't worry, I did too. I'm only going to translate Italian, 'kay?**

_**Fratello, perché state nascondendo questo da me?**_**- Brother, why have you been hiding this from me?**

_**Sono spiacente**_**- I'm sorry**

**There you go. I just felt like writing something feelsy for no reason :D**

**Good day/night!**

**~Midnight~**


End file.
